Saturday, July 16, 2011

Rick Perry's God Must Have a LOT of Altoids

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Texas has a lot of problems.  Budget shortfall, hundred year drought, armies of unemployed and uninsured, and an angry, fearful, restive population seeking respite in various manifestations of bigotry and tribal hatred.  But fear not, Texas citizenry.  Your Governor, the esteemed Rick Perry has a plan.
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...the governor stated that property rights, government regulation and a "legal system that's run amok" were threatening the American way of life and "it's time to just hand it over to God and say 'God, you're gonna have to fix this.' "
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So we learn from this a great deal about Rick Perry - his decisiveness, his willingness to take responsibility and accept accountability, his creative hands-on approach to his State's overwhelming problems - but we actually learn a great deal more about Rick Perry's God.

Apparently, as I interpret this, the God Rick Perry worships has a plan for Texas, and that plan includes drought, disease, pestilence, poverty and war.  But in spite of the fact that his God has made these decisions about Texas, Governor Perry is pretty certain he can get God to completely change his mind about all of it, and in a 180 degree pivot change Texas from a crumbling hellhole to an earthly paradise.  I guess God wasn't terribly invested in his plan in the first place, and was willing to go in an entirely different direction as soon as his complaint department phone lights up.

Now, I don't mean to sound flip here, but this particular manifestation of the creator of the universe isn't terribly impressive.  Indecisive, wishy-washy, easily influenced, one wonders how he gets through the checkout line at Piggly Wiggly with all those impulse items stacked along his route.  "Oh look! Altoids GUM!!"  I mean, what's the point of a deity raining pestilence and suffering on his people if he can be expected to back down as soon as the people start to complain?  Man, I don't know what Testament we're on here in 2011 but we've come a long way from Old Testament Yahweh.  This God is like the kids of the Mafia Dons, raised in suburban wealth and comfort, and unable to summon the intestinal fortitude to do the Godly thing when called upon.

Of course, it could be that I understood the nature of Rick Perry's God perfectly well, and it is the Governor who has blundered badly.  Here's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to sit back and watch Rick Perry and his throngs of followers implore, beseech and otherwise formally request that God take them off the shit list, and soon.  Then we'll see what happens.  If the skies open up with a cleansing rain, the crops leap from the soil and all around is wealth and happiness, then I guess maybe I'll think about opening up my own negotiations with the big guy.  At least for a Ferrari 308.  Always wanted one of those.  But if things continue to go badly pear shaped for Texas, it will merely reinforce my longstanding opinion that asking for help from imaginary super beings and mythical creatures is a wholly ineffective approach to problem solving or governance...
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4 comments:

  1. I'm going to sit back and watch Rick Perry and his throngs of followers implore, beseech and otherwise formally request that God take them off the shit list, and soon. Then we'll see what happens. If the skies open up with a cleansing rain...

    Mikey, mikey, mikey. You don't understand what Rick Perry's god really wants.

    Sure, things in Texas suck, and it would be nice if Rick Perry's god made them a bit better.

    But how much more awesome would it be if instead, Rick Perry's god sent an army of dragonflies the size of Godzilla to destroy the liberal homostan known as California, not to mention, New York and the rest of the northeastern seaboard?

    That's what they're really praying for. And that's what our politicians, cleverly disguised as people rather than giant, demonic dragonflies, are delivering.
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  2. As Edroso typed today, it's not the politics as much as the offense against reason.

    Digging your favicon, too.

    Ferrari .308? When'd they get into gun-smithing?

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  3. well written and a fun read.

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  4. Oh I didn't notice the favicon until now.

    +++

    ~

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